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The texts that we read offer all sorts of clues about what to do—and what not to do—when writing our own texts. Published texts contain every lesson that a new writer needs, from demonstrating how to incorporate and cite others’ ideas to modeling the use of language and style. Over the next few weeks, I’ll help you identify and take advantage of each of the lessons that can be learned simply by reading texts in the disciplines you study. Today, I’ll start with a seemingly small lesson that nonetheless makes a big impact: sentence length and structure.
New writers often assume that flamboyantly long sentences are a requirement in academic writing. Indeed, sentence length does get a bit out of control in some (most? all?) academic texts. To that end, new writers often get into the habit of piling as many words as possible into a sentence, hoping to impress the reader, dazzle the instructor, and earn a high grade. But I warn you to tread cautiously when packing word after word after word into a single sentence. Be careful to distinguish between impressively long sentences and incomprehensibly long sentences. The following two examples illustrate the concept of impressively long sentences:
SENTENCE ONE
“By analyzing the kinds of grammatical choices that help students successfully accomplish assigned tasks, we can reveal the overt and covert expectations that guide the assessment and evaluation of students’ school performance and identify the choices that are highly valued in academic language tasks” (Schleppegrell, 2004, p. 4). [44 words]
Schleppegrell, M. (2004). The Language of Schooling: A Functional Linguistics Perspective. Mahwah, New Jersey: Lawrence Erlbaum Associates.
SENTENCE TWO
“The Jahrestage (Anniversaries) of Uwe Johnson (1934-84), begun in 1968 and completed in 1983, have a complex narrative structure and strongly subjective perspective, but the realistic intention of this major post-war novel, set between August 1967 and August 1968, with many flashbacks to the Nazi and early GDR past, is unquestionable” (McGowan, 2000, p. 489). [51 words]
McGowan, M. (2000) “German writing in the West (1945-1990),” in H. Watanabe-O’Kelly (Ed.), The Cambridge History of German Literature, pp 440-506. Cambridge: Cambridge University Press.
Meanwhile, the following example illustrates the concept of incomprehensibly long sentences:
SENTENCE THREE
Although the study showed potential, it concluded that the first and second treatment programs offered to the participants were beneficial, with an overwhelming number of positive outcomes, but with minor changes to the timing and duration of the therapy sessions, could improve the treatments. – Invented by me, modeled on sample sentences collected over the years from student writing. [44 words]
So what’s the difference between the impressively long sentences and the incomprehensibly long sentence?, you ask. All three sentences take a while to read, and all three use language that sounds professional or formal. Why are the first two classified as impressive, while the last one is classified as incomprehensible? The difference lies not just in the number of ideas presented in each sentence but also in the relationships between and among those ideas. If we create a template for each sentence, mapping out the number of ideas in each sentence and illustrating the relationships between those ideas, we’d get something like the following:
Template of ideas and relationships in SENTENCE ONE:
By doing x, we can accomplish y and z.
This template contains three ideas: (1) by doing x, (2) we can accomplish y, and (3) we can accomplish z. These three ideas are connected to one another through straightforward cause-and-effect relationships.
Template of ideas and relationships in SENTENCE TWO:
X piece of literature, which was written between year and year, exhibits quality y, but [insert phrase that identifies the genre of the book, followed by one or more relative clauses that provide additional information relevant to the genre] also exhibits the contrasting quality of z.
This template contains two ideas: (1) x piece of literature exhibits quality y, but (2) x piece of literature also exhibits the contrasting quality of z. These two ideas are connected to one another through a straightforward relationship of tension or contrast. Each idea is supplemented through the use of relative clauses that provide additional information about the piece of literature in question. The relative clauses can be removed without affecting the meaning of the sentence; for this reason, the sentence can be reduced to the following simple template:
X piece of literature exhibits quality y, but also exhibits the contrasting quality of z.
Template of ideas and relationships in SENTENCE THREE:
Positive comment about a study + transition word that introduces a contrast + summary of the topic that does not contrast with the preceding information + another transition word that introduces a contrast + observation that might serve as a contrast to the first idea.
This template contains five ideas: (1) a positive statement about x study, (2) BUT, (3) summary of x study, (4) BUT, and (5) summary of things that could be changed to improve the treatments offered to study participants. None of these ideas is clearly related to the others, although it’s possible that the fifth idea might be related to the first and second ideas.
The table at the bottom of this post helps to illustrate the relationships between ideas in each sentence. Consider using such a table and templates to map out the ideas in each long sentence that you write. If you are able to create a template that captures straightforward relationships between each idea in your sentence, you’ve got an impressively long sentence: use it and be proud of it! If you are not able to create a template that captures straightforward relationships between each idea in your sentence, you’ve got an incomprehensibly long sentence: revise it, but don’t be ashamed of it! There’s no shame in admitting that you crafted an incomprehensibly long sentence and need to edit it out. After all, it takes a while to get used to writing impressively long sentences. As a way of developing your impressively-long-sentence-writing skills, consider mapping out two or three impressively long sentences from one or more of the texts that you read each week in your courses. Once you begin mapping out the sentences modeled in the texts you read, you’ll begin to develop a feel for the rhythms and relationships of impressively long sentences. Soon, you’ll be able to write your own impressively long sentences without a second thought!
Happy Reading, Happy Sentence Mapping, Happy Writing, and Happy Long-Sentence-Editing!
Dr. Lori
| Sentence Template, SENTENCE ONE | |||||
| Idea One | Idea Two | Idea Three | |||
| By doing x, we can accomplish y and z | By analyzing the kinds of grammatical choices… | …we can reveal… | …and identify… | ||
| Sentence Template, SENTENCE TWO | |||||
| Idea One | Idea Two | Idea Three | |||
| X piece of literature exhibits quality y, but also exhibits the contrasting quality of z | The Jahrestage (Anniversaries) of Uwe Johnson…have a complex narrative structure… | …but this [genre of book], [insert one or more relative clauses which contain information relevant to the genre of book named above], also exhibits the contrasting quality of z. | |||
| Sentence Template, SENTENCE THREE | |||||
| Idea One | Idea Two | Idea Three | Idea Four | Idea Five | |
| Positive comment about a study + transition word that introduces a contrast + summary of the topic that does not contrast with the preceding information + another transition word that introduces a contrast + observation that might serve as a contrast to the first idea | The study showed potential, | …but | …the study concluded that … | …but | …treatment could be improved… |
Engaging Texts: Has Your Text Been Engaged? 